Category Archives: Mission Reports

Mission 11 Report: Supergroup

Submitted by Ghazi:

“I decided to draw my own picture, which would be a series of people I knew all performing in a “Supergroup.””

“Supergroups have had mixed reputations throughout the history of music, but no Supergroup had as turbulent a musical history as “Super X-2,” driven mainly by artistic differences, sometimes expressed as those between the drummer and the pianist about wheth…er or not video game music was as good as the works of Mozart , sometimes expressed by the bassist’s dissatisfaction at the level of audio feedback that the sound engineers tolerated, and sometimes expressed by the rhythm guitarist’s disagreement with himself the next day. Still, the band also generated a few rave hits, with Pitchfork media calling them, “The least pretentious supergroup since Emerson Lake and Palmer” and the band receiving accolades at the Los Angeles Music Awards as a “startlingly original group” although one of the judges railed against the band’s decisions to the revise and reuse of an old Atonal Melee song, which they now called “Assless Chaps.” Furthermore, the New York Times reviewed one of the band’s concerts, calling it “Ten times as good as The Bruce Band, with only one tenth the membership!” “

Mission 11 Report: The Singing Ministers

A followup from Bartholomew:

“After losing the Frohlich Mode-Wettbewerb, and carelessly allowing our wrath to overcome us later at the hotel, B and I decided to become ministers online through the Universal Life Church. We got together with the only two other people as white as us and recorded “Let Me Touch Him,” striving to get closer to Jesus. Although God Himself approved of our chef d’ouevre, critics unanimously panned the album, and our producer was arrested for singing the title track to the boys at Sunday school.”

We also have some feedback from the Facebook posting. One crass individual asked of the album title: “all right, if you had to… which one”?

To which one of the singing ministers replied: “By “if you had to…which one” I assume you mean “if you had to listen to just one of this band’s divine songs and no others which one would you listen to?” I can answer that question with some difficulty. The opening track, “Jesus in the Saddle” (a bit of a country-western riff) is hard to turn down at first, but after repeated listenings the rhythmic simplicity of the piece grows tiresome. The second track “Kneeling at the Alter” was a largely forgettable ballad. The third track, “Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me” was very strong, and a bit long, filled with glorious anthems. The title track was amazing, and would be difficult to go without, but is hard to forget the inglorious incident of the arrest associated with that song. The last reflective song, though, “Scents of Loaves and Fishes” was a meditation on common rituals and deep issues associated and would be impossible for me to forsake experiencing repeatedly.

Mission 11 Report: The New Proctologists

Submitted by Newsense:
Federal Deficit Commission Chair Alan K. Simpson, decrying senior citizens who are not fans of the yout music scene, recently was recorded speaking these wise words:

“This is fakery. If they [seniors] care at all about their children or grandchildren, and sometimes I doubt that — I think you know, grandchildren now don’t write a thank-you for the Christmas presents, they’re walking on their pants with the cap on backwards listening to the enema man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg, and they don’t like them!”

See the news story here.

I decided to seek out these two illustrious artists for whom seniors had scorn and Mr. Simpson had such sympathy. I was surprised, I will tell you, by what I found.

Who are “Enema Man” and “Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg”? It turns out they once performed in a three man a capella trio with the distinguished former Senator Simpson himself! The name of the group was “The New Proctologists” which was subsequently ripped off by far inferior bands.

An Illustrious Group

L to R: Enema Man, K Simp, Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg

This photograph was taken in the early sixties, when the band was in its heyday. Pictured here, from left to right, are “Enema Man”–also known as Jeremy Rawls, K Simp–who would later go on to be a Federal Deficit Commission Chair, and “Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg”–also known as Henry Wilson, one of the earliest and most influential white rappers.

Mission 11 Report: DEATHPANDA

submitted by The Keyboardist

This candid shot was taken of the rock band DEATHPANDA (formerly known as Angkst) enjoying a cigarette break before a recent performance.

Angkst achieved widespread underground fame during the late 90’s and early 00’s, due to their energetic performances and unique blend of heavy metal and hip-hop. “Where Do I Belong?” peaked at #47 on the Billboard’s Rock chart in 1999, marking the band’s greatest commercial hit. “Riptide” reached #64 and was nominated by MTV for the “Best Concept Video” in 2001. In 2003, Angkst sued the band Linkin Park for “ripping off their style” and lost, generating considerable negative publicity. Things went downhill after that, culminating with the ill-fated 2005 European tour. Guitarist Blingery was paralyzed while crowd surfing during a performance in Milan, while bassist Fynx was apprehended in Bucharest after attempting to smuggle a rare species of bat out of Romania in his carry-on. Ostensibly, this prompted the breakup of the band, although most sources cite drug addiction and religious differences (drummer J-Duff was a devout Catholic who openly criticized singer B-Laz for pushing the band what he deemed to be a ‘pagan direction’) as other key factors.

However, in 2009, the group put aside their differences and reformed under the name DEATHPANDA, and began performing a mix of new and old material in full-body panda costumes. Blingery, who had been paralyzed from the waste down, was replaced on guitar by Mishredda, but joined the band onstage in wheelchair for a memorable encore performance at the Rabbot Cabaret. Fynx, who is serving a 20-year prison sentence for the trafficking of endangered species, was replaced on bass by Victor Wooten.

According to rapper Bill, “DEATHPANDA is all about promoting a positive message—protecting pandas and other endangered species—in a hardcore way that resonates with today’s youth.” The group was a commercial flop in the United States, but earned considerable popularity in East Asia. In 2010, the band relocated to Tokyo and tours throughout Japan, as well as in China, South Korea, Taiwan, and The Philippines.

Here’s a closeup of drummer J-Duff:

Mission 9 Report: Zappa

Mission Report from RTS:

Sorry for the late post–I did indeed throw a Zappadan Party this year. Unfortunately, we got too consumed with drinking wine and drinking beer and whatnot to engage in any hardcore art.

However! After the party was over, and a suitable amount of time passed to let my head clear, I was inspired to draw this picture of Zappa in honor of Zappadan.

Mission 9.5 Report: Secret Zappas

Submitted by Professor Plum:

I combined two missions and celebrated the holiday season with a Secret Zappa gift giving session. In this interactive performance piece, I delivered gifts to random strangers in a highly theatrical manner.

My first step was to visit a dollar store with ten bucks in my pocket and spend it on anything that caught my eye. My acquisitions:

– playing cards with assorted vegetables on reverse
– balance bird
– kazoo
– bunny-ears headband
– box of colored pencils
– solar-powered dancing flower toy

Words can’t describe the final object in full splendor so I’ve included a photo:

My hope was that the gifts would be cute enough to mitigate the sketchiness of their delivery. The lackluster wrapping job certainly didn’t add to my credibility.

The final challenge was becoming Sir Secret Zappa himself. I wore fuzzy snowflake pants and a tight vest, carried an electric guitar, donned dark glasses, and messed up my hair as much as I could. Unfortunately, Zappa’s wild black mane and bushy moustache were too much. My budget didn’t allow for a trip to the costume shop. However, authenticity was not my goal. I feel that I captured the Zappadan spirit which lives in all of our hearts and I hope that came across.

To distinguish myself as more than just another crazy guy in a strange outfit handing out suspicious parcels, I blasted “Peaches en Regalia” from a portable amplifier ducttaped to my back and shouted Merry Zappadan as I was distributing the gifts. I still probably came across as crazy, but it was glamorous and certainly cemented my identity as Zappa.

I distributed the gifts to unsuspecting café patrons. I entered the café in an oversized peacoat to disguise myself and quickly surveyed the scene. After selecting my targets, I revealed my identity and fired up the soundtrack. I was afraid of being tossed out or reaching the end of the song so I only gave myself three minutes to distribute the gifts and make my escape. It was a rush but I managed to unload all the goods. I gave the final gift to a barista on the way out.

The audience reaction was a mix of confusion and surprise but I think they appreciated it and I earned smiles and blushes from my targets. Everybody stopped what they were doing to watch and I noticed a few people taking photos or videos on their phones. I imagine it took a while for the shock to wear off and for the full impact of my performance to sink in, but I suspect that everybody was discussing it long after I left.

I didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking somebody to send me a photo so I don’t have much documentation of the performance. I had recruited a friend to film the episode but he bailed at the last minute and, since it was already the last day of Zappadan, I had to go solo. Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun, and might try it again with a video crew. Zappadan is a long way off but some speculate that on February 2nd the prophet will stir from his annual hibernation to relieve himself in the yellow snow, take medication for his hibernal hangover, and search for his shadow which, according to rumor, exists only in the fourth dimension. Perhaps he’ll hand out a few presents while he’s at it!

Mission 7 Reports: The Tea Party Four Freedoms

Submitted by Bengar:

“Norman Rockwell is known for a series of paintings called The Four Freedoms. Few know that he has also recently been aiding The Tea Party with a new campaign expressing a new four freedoms:”